waiting-for-a-baby:

Is it acceptable to answer the question:

what do you want to be?

with: a mom.

This.

I don’t do very much for myself. I have never gotten a pedicure or manicure before in my life. I get my nails done probably 3 times a year. I haven’t gotten my hair professionally cut or styled in over three years. I don’t go on trips or see concerts. I just got my first smartphone ever. 

Every time I go out with the intention of shopping for myself, I end up buying things we need for the house instead. I guess I just have this complex that makes me feel guilty any time I buy a new shirt or some makeup. I don’t really know why, but I wish I did.

I mean, we’re fine money wise. I have plenty of money saved up. We don’t have kids (yet!) and we pay all of our bills in full and on time. So why the hell do I find myself having to justify treating myself? 

Yesterday I went shopping with the intention of spending money on things I know I didn’t need, but wanted. And although I came home with way more things we needed for the house than myself, it felt nice. 

What’s holding me back? I just don’t understand. In reality I know part of the answer is that I lead a very simple life, with very little expectations. That’s fine with me. I don’t need fancy things to keep me happy. Don’t get me wrong, luxury isn’t necessary but is nice occasionally and I get that. I guess it just bothers me to see other people indulging so much more easily and effortlessly.